A more serious note from my journal…

I have been listening to Lana Del Ray – God’s and Monsters recently and with lyrics so I have been singing along. She reminds me a bit of my dear and beautiful friend: Geri. Not sure how her name was spelled but before she got into the drugs again she was a real stunner and had such a glow to her persona. At first she couldn’t sing for shit but persisted to do so and she became an angel, unfortunately she actually did because her boyfriend stabbed her to death and he is now in prison. She went from sheer beauty to a chaotic drugged up mess in the time I knew her. When I first met her I wanted to be with her but as time went on I didn’t really want to be with her but felt sad that she had gone so far downhill because of drugs and edgy men. It is sad to reflect on her. The Lana Del Ray song also reminds me of dear Charlotte who is a real babe and an angel living in her own right, she was down for me when no one else was and put up with some of my strange behavior when I was deeply angered, sad and also mentally unwell. I tell her this sometimes and I hope she doesn’t just perceive it as me trying to crawl out of the friend zone and appreciates that she is a good, strong person. Anyway Charlotte sent me the song a long time ago when I was struggling to feel any emotions at all and it kinda struck a chord with me. I found out recently through Facebook that Lana Del Ray has released a book of poems which I have preordered from Amazon. I am looking forwards to reading it.

Thoughts of the day so far…

Ended up stoned this morning and starting to think people who get stoned remember their dreams but then forget them throughout the day and can’t be bothered to recite what the scrapped remains are that still remain when they try to recall stuff. Being stoned often can make you deceptive I suppose.

Oh it’s 6:18 in the morning I probably shouldn’t put some hard techno on at 10,000 decibels, just yet.

Warning, The C word…

I have really, really struggled to get much done of late but with the help of an audiobok and writing I have started to write a jornal of dreams, thoughts and just writing that I am not writing for the sake of writing something.

Here is a snippet of the colossal amount I have been doing

“I can be a forgetful sod, or a dopey fucker/cunt. Damn writing the word cunt is more satisfying than saying it.”

Deeply insecure in it’s core I agree but hopefully I can see the amusing side to it and perhaps overcome my self hatred in the words I express.